You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
