Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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