I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
