I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize