I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
