remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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