If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
