Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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