your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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