Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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