If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
