I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
