is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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