I accidentally had phone sex last night
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
