my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
