my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
