you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
