I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
