2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
a search helicopter?!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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