So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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