her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
