What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
