Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
