Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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