If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize