Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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