it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
