If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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