this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
