Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
