i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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