his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
