She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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