I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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