we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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