Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
