Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
