5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
