I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
