pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize