I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i think i just lost a toe
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
