Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
