You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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