Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize