between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
