Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
