I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
