I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Less talking, more tequila
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
