Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
birth control should be required to get into college
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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