is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
