i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
