I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
