i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
