Your dad touched me again.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
