Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize