Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
