I'm going to jail i love you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
