How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
