he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
