Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
