clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
