He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
