On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Michael Bay diarrhea
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
MIDGETS
????
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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