can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
