You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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