Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
