Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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