what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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