In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
