Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
