You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize