dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
