he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Randomize
